Barclays take delivery of new Sleep Deprivation Unit

What's that you said?

The very latest in Sleep Deprivation devices was delivered to the Barclay residence on Saturday following its successful launch on Wednesday 8th June 2011. The arrival of the unit had been trailed well ahead of time and the sudden internet silence of all Barclays led many to suspect that delivery was imminent. Now, exclusive photos and information leaked to this website confirm the reason for the sightings of senior Barclays in what was either heavy make-up or down to a significant lack of sleep as all the memories of how it was with Oscar came crashing into sharp focus.

The unit is the top of the range Oliver Dylan and comes packed with a full suite of fantastic features:
  • Weighs: 8lbs 5oz
  • Measures: 50cm
  • Delivers extraordinary volume for such a compact unit
  • Automatic wakefulness function preset to 1am – 2am
  • Additional random wakefulness feature covers sleep-time hours only
  • Automatic Pee Feature (APF) engages the moment the nappy is removed
  • APF further enhanced with ‘double-pee’ technology to ensure you get a soaking one way or the other.
  • APF range begins at approx 60cm and rises daily
  • Baleful one-eyed stare engages on changing table enabling accurate targeting of APF
  • Randomised limb movement ensures changing and dressing are genuine challenges every time
  • Eyes that stare into your very soul and bid you serve him willingly in perpetuity
  • Incredible softness of skin enhanced with ‘downy hair’ function for a limited period only
  • Cuteness engine makes even 4am seem a good time of day (eventually)
  • Range of snuffling noises carries guarantee of stoniest heart melting
  • Massively proud and intensely happy father

One happy big brother

Oliver’s biggest fan is his big brother, Oscar who is so proud of him and so gentle with him. Fair brings a tear to the eye.

Clare, Oscar, Oliver and I are a very contented bunch, asyou can probably imagine.

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• June 17th, 2011 • Posted in News • Comments: 0