Vanity and the beach

Just been on holiday. Last one before the baby comes in January. And it was fantastic, thanks for asking. A place called ‘Maroma’ on the Riviera Maya in Mexico. Glorious beaches, great diving, unbelievably good service and close to beautiful Mayan ruins. Anyway, that’s as maybe.

We spent a good number of hours on the beach, reading, relaxing and oft-times watching what was going on. There was a resort next door and it provided terrific entertainment if you wanted to see vanity in all its glory.

Now I’m not complaining. Beautiful bikini bodies are not to be frowned at. But even so, the egos that they contained were jaw-dropping. We had the daily struts down the beach. Not merely strolling and talking but strutting. Tits and arses thrust to best advantage, plenty of glances to ensure people could see and were watching. Disdain worn like an extra pair of shades. I became convinced that training courses must have been available next door. The pride was tangible. John Travolta would have been proud

It’s one thing when you have a body to show off (and plenty of the lads and lasses did, to be fair. But, as with all beaches, some were sadly deluded. Mainly the men. Too much on the stomach front, too little on the trunks front. Enough said. Follow my lead, wear appropriately sized shorts…

Far more hilarious was the photography, though. I must be an old git but really, do you have to get a ‘professional’ to take your photos as you play in the surf, pose on the sand and toss your long hair back so the spray flies high as the shutter clicks? Do you want your holiday shots to look like an extremely poor fashion shoot? Apparently, many do. A long line of sad wannabes got sand in their pants whilst dreaming they were about to appear in the pirelli calendar. Great to watch mind you. And there was no thought of humility, no awareness of the ridiculous figures they cut. Outstanding blinkeredness (if there is such a word).

Then there was the middle aged Italian couple who thought they were doing a remake of ‘From Here To Eternity.’ Magnificent.

People-watching on a beach should be an Olympic sport. And there are beautiful people on every beach. And I am no classical sculpture. But at least I know it…

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• October 17th, 2006 • Posted in News • Comments: 0