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jez



Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 4
Location: north wales

PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 8:15 am    Post subject: Hi Guys Reply with quote

Finally had my first work published (self), here is a wee snippet, any feedback is always welcome. We should always be willing to learn. and the standerd i have read here is superb (far better then mine), and of course, James is the master Laughing

A Disney cartoon would have difficulty matching the beauty of this hidden nirvana. Situated high in the Himalayas, it was as if it was Mother Natures' secret place. Her loving and tender kiss was everywhere; even her own normally unbreakable rules didn't apply here. Although the climate was one of perpetual springtime, this didn't stop the trees in the orchard blossoming and bearing fruit all year round. Apples, oranges, grapes, the list went on, all manner of fruit was here, deliciously ripe and with a taste of pure ambrosia. The small vegetable garden told the same story. All that was seeded flourished, nowhere else on the globe would it be possible for such exotica to germinate then thrive, as it did here. The real beauty however, came from the flowers. As one walked down one of the many pathways on a carpet verdant grass, the first thing to assault your senses was the fragrance. An enchanting bouquet that changed with every step. Almost instantaneously followed by myriad of color. It was virtually impossible to keep your eyes on any one spot as your peripheral vision kept finding something even more wondrous. Thus steeling your attention, again and again. A living, growing Mobius strip, never ending and forever changing. The only thing missing in this scene of perfection was a newborn deer, with its proud mother gently nudging and encouraging her offspring to walk on unsteady legs. Undoubtedly though, if you stayed here long enough the afore mentioned scenario would assuredly play out.
This was a sacred place, a Holy place, a safe place. When man slept and the mind was free of the confines of the body, it was here it came. Unconsciously, it was a sanctuary that we all know, at one time or another everyone has been here. A fortunate few actually live here, or at least they did!

Lama Ngawang walked the gardens as he usually did at this time of day. Not one inch of this miraculous place was unknown to him. His footfall was steady and even as he negotiated the many twists and turns of this existent Elysium. All the more remarkable, considering he was blind.
Not as old as most Lama's, it was still difficult to place him into an age bracket. A small man, maybe only five feet four. He was dangerously thin, skeletal even, plus the fact his head was shaven probably made him look older than he was. The traditional Buddhist robes hung from him like sackcloth, exposing pointed elbows and visible ribs through his near translucent skin. This sightless, delicate and fragile man however, was far from weak. He oozed an inner strength, a vehemence that all that met him could not help but feel. Part love, part reverence was the feeling he left you with after only the briefest of contacts.
Ngawang stopped momentary, turned then spoke in a gentle voice.
"Ah, my faithful attendant Tenzin. It always lifts my heart to have you nearby." He said with an affectionate smile. "Come, walk with me."



Even without their master, the six children of Satan knew their task in hand and quickly surrounded Nathan. His barely five foot frame was dwarfed by these ten foot monstrosities. ?Best I even up the odds a little, me thinks.? Nathan morphed into something unrecognizable from the form he was moments before. His basic shape could be best described as that of the mythological centaur, but one protected by razor sharp diamond edged scales, hands and hooves replaced by deadly claws with malleable appendages. An evil tail, terminating in a spiked ball that had impossible mass for its size and weight. Its other extremity housed an armored triangular head, with slavering gaping jaws and silver fangs. As large as this equine creature was, it still didn?t quite match up to the size of bloodthirsty opponents. With a cracking of joints, sinew and muscle, it now stood steadfastly on its hind legs. Nathan had now become something akin to a lethal Vishnu. Each of his four arms held a sword with blades darker than a moonless night. ?Lets play.? Said a voice that was very wrong for the entity that it emanated from. As if that was the cue they had been waiting for, silently and simultaneously the six creatures attacked.
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Drizzt



Joined: 07 Mar 2005
Posts: 1081
Location: Easington, UK

PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 8:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Welcome to the forum! Very Happy
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jez



Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 4
Location: north wales

PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Drizzt, I couldnt see a introduce yourself section, so i thought i would jump straight in so to speak lol
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Lizzy



Joined: 02 May 2005
Posts: 674
Location: the wilds of the West

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 1:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A belated welcome to the forum

Had a quick read, looks promising. Very Happy

As soon as I get a chance I'll read it through properly.
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jez



Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 4
Location: north wales

PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2007 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Lizzy, good to see ya so to speak lol
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